I Took a Danfo Bus After Years… The Conductor Instantly Tagged Me as ‘Oyinbo’
by Chiemelie Kyrian Offor · Writer
A simple ride on a Lagos danfo bus turned into a hilarious showdown after a conductor tried to overcharge me.
Due to the rain and too many flood toward the side I was heading.
For a work meeting.
I decided not to drive.
I wanted to book Uber or Bolt, but it crossed my mind that it's been years I entered public transport.
I missed it.
I decided to use the opportunity to enter one.
So I took a danfo bus.
The conductor was putting on a brown t-shirt with black pants and screaming for more passengers.
Shortly we moved and later in the bus he started collecting payments.
I was checking my phone when I heard him say.
“Oya oyinbo your money.”
I didn’t know I was the one he was referring to so I didn’t bother to raise my head.
He continued.
“Oyinbo… boss your money o.”
I looked up and realized that I was the one he was talking to.
“Sorry I didn’t know I was the one you were talking to.”
“Your money.”
I gave him money.
He counted the money and looked at me harshly.
“Wetin be this?”
“Currency.”
“You still dey speak English. Oga your money na N1,500.”
I was shocked.
“N1,500? Where to where?”
“You Dey ask me jamb question? From Damaturu to Ibadan. Since you no know where you enter motor.”
“You told me it’s N1,000.”
“Bros,I no argue with you o, your money remain N500.”
“You dey tell who no dey enter bus abi?”
He looked at me as though examining me very well.
“You no be like who dey enter bus o, na why I dey charge you.”
“Ooh you don see maga abi?”
“Boss, na ordinary N500 you dey argue with me nawa for you o. I dey shame for you.”
“I hear you.”
One of the passengers laughed and said.
“Instead of you to beg him to dash you money, you wan collect am with force.”
The laughter on his face disappeared as he eyed the man.
“Oga, our talk no concern you.”
“See this conductor.”
Everybody was quiet and minding their business.
The man continued.
“So I go watch you and close my eyes as you wan scam person.”
The conductor shut him a look of disdain.
“Who be this one?”
He turned to me his eyes were now red as though he was ready for the man who refused to mind his business.
“Bros, abeg no vex you know this man?”
“I don’t know him.”
“Why he kon dey choke mouth for wetin no concern am?”
I kept quiet.
He turned to the man.
“With your head wey be like mango wey no ripe, I go change am for you o for this bus.”
“Na you get your mouth.”
“You go tell me whether na your papa buy bus give me.”
“Abeg close your brown teeth.”
The conductor looked at him.
“Oya oga wey your money?”
“E be like say you no well. No be you I give N2,000 just now, you dey owe me N500.”
“Who you give money? I dey owe you gini?”
“E be like say you drink kunu this early morning?”
“Sake of say wetin?”
“Ogbeni I give me my change jare.”
“You get luck say I remember, if not I for don use blow correct your face for you just now. See him ear be like Nokia 3310…”
About the author
Chiemelie Kyrian Offor
Writer
An award-winning Nigerian novelist reshaping Africa's global image through espionage thrillers. Kyrian tells bold, high stakes stories rooted in our intelligence community, blending suspense, patriotism, and cultural depth.
